Being with her has been amazing.
It’s the way I’ve felt connected on a deeper level than I ever have before. Those moments where my entire body was overcome by warmth and grew so full that I could feel the edges of my body dissolve and expand into the air around me, three feet out from where it normally ends. Filled up with a soft, barely buzzing energy which, in that moment, sent away any darkness I’d ever know. That feeling completed me, in the moment at least.
It’s pretty compelling, that feeling.
But I’d mostly forgotten the promise I made to myself. It was to release. Over and over and over again. Each morning and every moment throughout the day. In all the small ways and all the big ways. And forgetting your own promises will kill you. It will creep in and clutch hold of your joy. It will numb you and deaden you, and when the water piles up too high inside it’ll come crashing out in a torrent in a way that you never knew or wished was possible.
Now I remember that promise and I choose to let go.
He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity’s sun rise.