Robert Raphael Schwenkler

Viewing: Emotional Fluency

When Yes Doesn’t Actually Mean Yes

Written by on October 5, 2014

I’ve started thanking people when they say “no” to me. Potential clients, friends, people I’d like to interview for, people who’s houses I’ve asked to stay at… It feels really good to me. No is an extremely powerful stance

I am the Schoolyard Killer

Written by on June 9, 2014

Isla Vista, Seattle Pacific University, Columbine, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook, University of Texas…… I know these killers, these men, intimately. This will probably be surprising to anyone who knows me. I doubt that anybody has looked into my eyes and truly

How to Become a Leader

Written by on April 24, 2014

Something really important changed for me last night. My body released something that’s been with me for a long, long time. It feels like it’s been with me since I was just a couple months old. I’m so thankful for

Someday Those We Love Will Die so Let’s Just Love

Written by on March 21, 2014

I’m in a hospital right now. Hospitals are places I’m not used to. Door after door with curtains drawn in front of them. Inside each is someone’s son or daughter. Many of them are also someone’s father or mother. I’m

What Does Your Heart Say?

Written by on March 7, 2014

Emotional fluency. Men aren’t taught it, exactly. We’re taught a lot of things, but noticing what sensations are happening in, say, our chest is not one of them. We’re not taught to pay attention to whether it feels open or

Men Cry

Written by on March 3, 2014

I talked to a counselor this week and he told me that 80% of his male clients cry at some point during their time together. When he asks them when the last time they cried was he said that 80%

Maybe Will Kill You

Written by on February 26, 2014

Being with her has been amazing. It’s the way I’ve felt connected on a deeper level than I ever have before. Those moments where my entire body was overcome by warmth and grew so full that I could feel the

I’m F***ing Scared

Written by on February 24, 2014

Men aren’t supposed to show (or feel) fear. Well I’m scared right now. If you see me on the street today or next week or next month, whether I’m smiling or my face is blank or I look sad you

Why Your Fear is the Best Thing You Could Possibly Hope For

Written by on December 13, 2013

These days I’m constantly feeling fear… I’ve never been this scared, at least not consciously. Fear does weird things to people, it brings up all kinds of hell-bent emotions and knee-jerk reactions. One current example from my life: I’m starting

On Finding Peace…

Written by on November 2, 2013

And there I was, in the middle of the forest. I’d taken myself there to be alone, away from other people, away from pavement and houses. To be with myself for a few moments. I laid down on the ground and